May 16 2011

grey goose

Although I speak of that which has never occurred, the potentiality of its reality haunts me in the deepest of depths.  I speak of that which Lewis and Vanauken spoke of, a “once-given grace.”  To lose the “grey goose” of one’s life is inconceivable.  It is a wonderful thought to think that the goose will continue to fly solo for the rest of its life after its mate has passed onto greener pastures, but that reality touches an area of life that one could only venture to with the Lord.  Only the hand of God could guide one through such unpalatable misfortunes.  Although I suppose it is only “misfortunes” for some, others might be able to descry the deeper reality of Christ’s eternal life and the trustworthiness that the mate of the goose has truly just gone onto the “mansions” of their Creator.  To wait… perhaps.  Perhaps to experience their genuine retirement.  Either way, I suppose their life is all the better lived.  I once read that as we mourn the physical loss of our loved ones, “the angels hang the blue and pink ribbons welcoming the birth of the newborn.”  Could that be?  It could.  Could it be that at the exact moment the tears drop from our eyelids, the angels drop tears of joy at the birth of the reborn?  I suppose that our mourning would then truly “be turned into dancing.”  And yes! it was The King who said such awe-inspiring assurances.  If you guessed it, you were right.  It was The King who said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  So why is it that we spend so much time worrying as the goose or its mate?  Why is it that we do not follow the advice of the One who created it all?  Is it fear?  Must I remind you, and I, of the faithful words He has spoken through His faithful children, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”  Whether it was through Isaiah, or His saul turned Paul, His assurance and reassurance will ring eternally…and from His own mouth the loudest, “lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age”…and again, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
(quoted: The Bible, Sheldon Vanauken, C.S. Lewis, Max Lucado)

Sep 9 2010

Thoreauean Days…part 1

A few years ago I was blessed to play the role of Henry David Thoreau in a film about the way he affected and continues to affect the world we live in.  The version that we shot was a short film for the purpose of education and oh! so much  more.  We are in the process of developing the feature and I’m sure when it comes out, it will bless those that watch it as much as us that have endured to make it.  With all of this said, throughout the course of my preparation, I found myself writing loads of poetry.  I preface this with this…I received C’s and D’s in my high school English classes.  My 12th grade teacher actually asked me this question prior to graduation, “Chris, what do you plan on doing after graduating high school?”  I said, “Well Ms. Sutter, I plan on going to college!”  She said, “Your parents are wasting their money by sending you to college.”  Although harsh, in a way she was probably right.  I did not enjoy it too much and my grades reflected my distaste.  It wasn’t until I started travelling the world on my own that I actually started to read and to be honest, it wasn’t until I started reading the Bible that I actually started to learn.  It was my constant reading of the Bible and my insane dedication to whatever role I was taking on that sparked my educational journey.  Either way, in God’s perfect timing, He did inside of me…what only He could do.

I hope you enjoy some of the poems that poured through this unlearned fool that was allowing God to use him as His tool…  (they are all very raw and were all written over the course of but a few days)

‘With Great Thanks’

(written on the late eve of 4.7.08)

Enthralled by all that Henry saw                                                                                                         I found myself plastered to this bed                                                                            even though there was a fire to draw

I thank you for giving me appreciation                                                                                               to a life of other living                                                                                                         If it was not for you, I would still                                                                                                                     be stuck in this bubble,  I can no longer believe in

you’ve opened my eyes                                                                                                                              to a life that God so masterfully devised                                                                     If it was not for Him                                                                                                                         I could’ve never found you within…

*          *          *

A portion of – ‘for the unseen C.O.G.’

Full circle, unexpected                                                                                                                        Squeaking noise, you are detected

In the middle have I stormed                                                                                                          Open-armed to be reborn

Of the Spirit and the Water                                                                                                                 This is true, I love you Father

Is it You, I hear within me                                                                                                                If it’s true, please penetrate me

Beauty rarely seen                                                                                                                                Somehow more touching than the breeze                                                                    Yes, it’s You, oh Mr. Frees                                                                                                                Once again You got me, Geez

Just when I thought I had escaped You                                                                                      You grabbed and pulled me right through                                                                      To the open seas of Thailand please                                                                                              Once again I find myself on my knees

Paradise lost, Paradise found                                                                                                          It was there I once felt, completely sound

Were You with me, or just listening                                                                                              to the calls just north of Sicily

It was there that I was plagued                                                                                                       by my own curiosity, enslaved

But You rescued me                                                                                                                               from the rest of these                                                                                                               As I walk past Frees                                                                                                                             it is You I see

Stormy weather                                                                                                                                     Darkness finds you                                                                                                                   But then I’m comforted as You remind me                                                                                Of Your promise, they do find-see

Is it truth, or am I still blinded                                                                                                         back to chaos, ridden concrete                                                                                                      only Water will unbind thee

Truth be told, as it unfolds                                                                                                                 to the stories I’ve been told

Heavy laden by your ornery                                                                                                            Broken spells, oh get behind me!                                                                                       Scripture says, I can unwind thee                                                                                                  to a place you’ll never find-see

Back in light, still cold with fright                                                                                                    why don’t you just leave, you’ve got not rite!                                                             For this I write – and take to flight                                                                                                  as the gracious stranger – up to His height

Mountains climbed, forever mine                                                                                                  Unto Your mansions, I do find                                                                                           The freedom promised, I know I’ve been dishonest                                                                But in admitting, I’ve been my strongest

I thank You for Your sacrifice                                                                                                          it is my life, forever heist                                                                                                     me to the heavens, to be Your brethren                                                                                      to serve You, so I belong then

And if it’s okay, I’ll sing that song                                                                                                    with those below Your mighty thrown                                                                           with Your power, I will devour                                                                                                        all those that try to shower                                                                                                     me with nonsense, it must stop hence                                                                                          in You I rest, my unbreakable fence

In the Name, I find no blame                                                                                                            I scream and shout it with no shame                                                                               Jesus, You are my One true aim                                                                                                      I rest eternally-bull’s eye-game…

*          *          *

Aug 28 2010

Meant for another…

There’s no day like today to say, ‘I’m sorry’…  Don’t wait until heaven to ask God to show you His truth…even though, in His insane grace, it might not be too late to receive Him in His fullness, you will no doubt look back on your life and realize just how much you missed…  Each day that passes is another day that was meant to be lived with Him and with those that He gave you on earth…  The lies and the pain that comes from those lies will forever steal that life that God intended for you to live…don’t let the enemy steal them any longer…  The truth and what God desires to reveal, if we could only be so bold to ask Him, is worth “far more than gold”, if only we could see…  You are loved by many, love them back…  In the long run, you might save a bit of time and it might not hurt as much if & when God allows you to look back upon your days…

I pray that He shows you the life HE intended for YOU to live…

In Jesus’ Precious Name^

Aug 10 2010

Inspired Lamentations

It’s been ages since I’ve written…

I have longed to write within this blog and have been bound by the whirlwinds of life, disabling me.  I cannot thank those enough that have sent replies to the words that God burned through me.  They gave me much encouragement over this past year.  It was a year of wonderful trials and tribulations counteracted by the joys I dreamed to experience since I first came to scratch the surface of the concept of love.  It is a much needed other entry, the ‘love’ that I speak of, but for now I will leave it at- God blessed me with the most beautiful woman I could ever dream of.  ‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD’ –Proverbs 18:22.

There was a point during the course of the last year and a half where I found myself in my car driving to school (also another entry), during the drive my thoughts were burdened with feeling as though I was neglecting a lot of areas that God would need me…and then I heard His still small voice say, ‘Chris, I have brought the most incredible blessing apart from myself into your life.  She is going to be there with you for the rest of your life and that is important to Me.  It is one of the strongest foundations I will need to lay down for the path that I have for you.  You are so busy worrying about everything and everyone else that you have missed one of the greatest ways I have worked through you.  Do you see how much Rachel has grown with ME?  Do you see how much you have grown with ME?  This is the only place I am calling you to right now.  Embrace it and all that I am doing in it because it means more than you could ever comprehend right now.’

With limited words I say, ‘finding what is good and receiving favor from the LORD’ (my wife) has and continues to be a blessing that I never understood could be as amazing as it is.  As mentioned though, it will have to wait for another entry.  I have plenty of material to share as I spent everyday for the last five months writing in a journal to my (now) wife and God’s hands are all over those pages.  I look forward very much to sharing His blessings!

For now, I feel it burning on my heart to share something else.  Rachel and I returned from our honeymoon two nights ago.  I immediately had an audition from my manager for Jerry Bruckheimer’s new pilot, ‘The Whole Truth’.  They had to reshoot it and there was a role my manager thought I was perfect for.  On the books it looked great:  ‘a musician, he’s warm, uncomplicated, non-threatening’, pretty much exactly who I am.  Problem was, as I read the material my heart sank.  My would-be girlfriend (on the show), Katheryn, came home to her loft/office to me who was in bed.  She proceeded to tell me about some…well let’s put it this way because I don’t think I’m actually allowed to disclose the material!  essentially, it implied that we were sleeping together and truth be told, she didn’t even really want to seriously date me.  For some Christ followers that is okay, for me, God is beating to a different drum within.

I don’t want to glorify what I don’t agree with.  Rachel and I waited until we were married to be with each other.  Essentially, all we ever did was kiss.  I even slept on pillows on the floor whenever we slept in the same location.  I’m not saying that both of us did not make many mistakes before we really came to live for God, but I am saying that we both did everything in our power to honor HIM in our relationship and I believe we got some things right.

Here’s my dilemma, I don’t want to portray anything that I believe is not honoring to God.  I will portray the things that I don’t believe bring Him glory, if it is portrayed as something wrong, but when it is saying it is okay for two people to be sleeping with one another, prior to marriage, I don’t feel it’s okay.  Some followers of Christ feel as though, ‘acting is just a job so it doesn’t matter what you portray on film or television’.  Others might be on that type of job, portraying those things, and God is using them in the lives of those around them.  But who is actually standing up and saying, ‘No!  This isn’t right’.  My heart beats to that drum.  Again, if God has someone else in that place, for HIS purpose, I say, follow Him where He has led you.  For me, if I don’t stand up for what burns so deep within, I’d be lying to you, myself and our awesome God and I would be living a life for money and fame – not for HIS glory.

All we can do is honor the heart HE has given us.

The dilemma thickens.  The material out there, in this world of acting, is 95% centered on things that do not bring God glory.  He created me to look a way that fits into that ‘non-glorifying’ 95% perfectly.  The 5% of material that is actually bringing God glory is quite hard to find and unfortunately it is often material that even the majority of Christians would not want to watch.  As I wrote an email to my manager explaining why I will not do those types of roles I felt HIM say, “Don’t worry Chris, My path is My path.  I am a God that can ‘open up doors that NO man can open’.  Trust Me”.  Fortunately, my wife, was right there by my side encouraging me and being everything that I believe God would desire of her.


As Rachel and I woke up this morning we prayed and spent a little time in HIS Word.  I felt led to Lamentations 3-5 and here’s what I want to share.  Lamentations 4:17 ‘ Moreover, our eyes failed, looking in vain for help; from our towers we watched for a nation that could not save us’.  It stung as I read that.  Really stung.  It made me think of our world.  We’re looking to a nation that is in a place, I believe, SO far away from the Lord.  Way beyond that of even Sodom and Gomorrah.  We are looking to a nation that does not understand God’s ways and keeps embracing everything that is not HIM.  We are settling and making excusing for why we can keep doing things that are not of Him…  ‘It’s just the way the world is today’ we say.  When I grew up, and I’m only 32, the shows on TV reflected morals, they showed righteous integrity.  Shows like, ‘Little House on the Prairie’, ‘Flipper’, ‘Our House’.  Even shows like, ‘Beverly Hills 90210’ (the original) showed what happened (on occasion) when you made the wrong choices.  I remember reading an article on the new 90210 that came out a couple of years ago.  To be honest, I was a bit excited as I loved the original.  Who wouldn’t love a show that lived and breathed California sunshine, especially when you are in the suburbs of New Jersey…and trust me, I’m not knocking NJ- I love Jersey! The point I was starting to make is this…I believe it was Jennie Garth or Shannen Doherty that said, ‘If Aaron Spelling read this material he would roll over in his grave’ (commenting on the fact that there were no morals).  Actually it was Jennie Garth, I believe, because she said ‘she would not do the show unless she played a counselor’.  If I am correctly quoting her…I ALWAYS urge you to please verify anything I ever say…do not take my word alone.  Please follow Acts 17:11 ‘Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see  if what Paul said was true.’  They did not trust Paul (one of God’s greatest tools), so please don’t trust me…kindly.  With that said though, I pray, Lord that You will always use me and protect those when I am off- in Jesus’ Precious Name.  As I was saying, Jennie Garth said that Aaron Spelling (the creator of the original) would roll over in his grave if he read the material and she did not want to do the show unless she played a counselor; she wanted the show to have some positive influence.  I remember watching ten minutes of the first episode and cringing.  I believe it was one of the first scenes that showed a girl lifting her head up from giving a guy oral sex in his car that was parked in the school parking lot.  If it wasn’t bad enough that she was doing that in the first place, he wasn’t even her boyfriend.  That one scene probably made thousands to millions of teenagers think it was okay to have oral sex in high school…and while cheating on your mate…AND prior to marriage period…AND AND sadly, not just okay, but actually something cool to do.

It breaks my heart.

The place that our world is in today, breaks my heart.  I know that in God’s perfect time, He will inspire all of HIS children out there with a heart that brings HIM glory and does not compromise.

My prayer is actually taken from the last few verses of Lamentations 5: 19-22 ‘You, O LORD, reign forever; your throne endures from generation to generation.  Why do you always forget us?  Why do you forsake us so long?  Restore us to yourself, O LORD, that we may return;  renew our days as of old unless you have utterly rejected us and are angry with us beyond measure’.  –in Jesus’ Precious Name- -for Jesus’ Precious gain- .  It is obviously our own fault that we are so far away from You Lord.  Please look down as You did in the days of Noah and see some of us that know we need You; some of us that know we cannot do this life without You; those of us that humbly accept your continual forgiveness and kindly ask for Your help to enable us to bring You glory, to enable us to be used by You that the lost sheep might know who You are by the way we live and by the way we love You.  Help us to simply produce product that glorifies Your image whether in film, TV, clothing or even the way we serve someone food at McDonalds.  It has to be for You.  I know we are out there.

Thank you Father for hearing this earnest prayer as You promised to.  May You please continually provide the strength I need to stay in this mindset and stand firm in the heart You have given me, in Jesus’ Name-for Jesus’ gain.

With love and prayers to you all…chris

Dec 3 2009

The Foolishness Of Our Youth

The foolishness of our youth… The adversary sure takes advantage of it! Praise God for the ones He’s saved and the ones that have listened and given action/life to His calling. How truly fortunate we are – for as the Bible says, Ecclesiastes 11:9 (KJ) “Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, And let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; Walk in the ways of your heart, And in the sight of your eyes; But know that for all these God will bring you into judgment.” Count your lucky stars, my child, if it was a slap on the hand, or even the face. For some overdose and die, some bare untimely births, some are diseased for life, some are paralyzed for life! Do we continue in our ways because the ramifications have not been severe enough to make us stop, or because we’re still well enough to fall… Why must we sometimes hit the ‘bottom of the barrel’ or slam into a brick wall to see our lives from God’s eyes? Our sin, from God’s eyes? Why can’t we just hear and actually HEAR! See and actually SEE… I thank my God that in the midst of my wretched existence He calls me and provides enough strength for me to listen. For I was truly dead – dead in my sins – and now I’m alive – from my death in Christ – and now I will live – ‘not I, but Christ that lives within me’ (a portion of Galatians 2:20) – and for that and so much more, my Father, I am eternally grateful… Thank You… Thank you… THANK YOU!!!

Dec 3 2009

A Love letter to the Lord

Psalm 139 ‘O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord. You hem in me – behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with You. If only You would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of You with evil intent; Your adversaries misuse Your Name. Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against You? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.’ As I read this psalm this morning, I was blown away by the beauty that it contained. To know that Our Father in heaven knows everything about us, even ‘the words before they are on our tongues’. God knows it all and He ‘knit us together in our mother’s wombs’. He WILL shine in the darkness. If only we could truly see and know God’s immense love for us. If only we could rely completely and trust completely in the Lord’s will and guidance. As the Word says, ‘Even the very hairs of your head are all numbered’ (Matthew 10:30). God loves us so much! I ask each one of you, myself included, to take some time today and truly reflect upon how much the Lord loves us. How much He truly knows us. May we all come to a place of faith above and beyond anything ever felt before and may it be the beginning of a new, deeper relationship with the God that gave us life …in Jesus’ Precious Name…

Dec 3 2009

Thank You!

A brief moment to thank the Lord for all of you that have taken the time out of your day to reach out to a God that ‘can’ and WILL, ‘supply ALL our needs, according to His power that worketh within us’.  We are so blessed and I am so blessed to have you all post your prayers upon this page.  May the right people see the prayers and lift them up to our Father in heaven and may our Awesome Father in heaven respond.  May you feel the weight of His immense love for you and may you glorify Him in the great congregation.  Allow His works to be seen and known across the world, not to boast in what You could have done, but to praise the Lord, that ALL may see, what HE has done.  Thank You Father for responding in Your way to ALL those that are bold enough to lift up a prayer to You, in Jesus’ precious name, for Jesus’ precious name…
Love and Prayers to you ALL always and in ALL ways…